My wife and I just came back from
whitewater rafting in West Virginia where we had an incredible time getting to know
two young couples at our church.
Such relationships
bring joy. While we may experience a
deep connectedness to the land by spending time by ourselves, hermits are
seldom happy. A 2015 Harvard study shows
that happiness, rather, depends most upon strengthening the quality of our
close relationships.
As a culture we are currently digesting statistics
about what happens to inmates who are placed in solitary confinement. Like babies who are not held and older people
who spend too much time alone with their thoughts, we see that all of us need
constructive interaction to heal and thrive.
Isolation is toxic. Even the great mystics who recommend extended
periods of silence generally see spiritual retreat as a means of preparing for
more meaningful engagement with others.
Charles Taylor, in The Ethics of Authenticity, suggests that even the most rebellious young
people don’t develop their identities through mere experimentation, but through
struggling with a community of persons with a gridwork of existing morals.
One of the challenges of our age is that
people don’t work together with generations of family on the farm anymore. Now, we grow up by “moving away from home.” The
cashier at the local grocery once knew us. Now we just order food delivery from
the internet.
Consumer convenience has created a toxic
loneliness of which we are barely aware… until we go rafting with friends. It’s then we realize how much we need the church
to resist the market forces which create isolation.
It’s one thing not to know a cashier. It’s quite another not to know the man who
stands in the pulpit. The shape of a
pastor’s life is what gives her words power.
We intuitively know a shepherd will not leave the 99 sheep to seek us
out when we stray if he doesn’t know us well enough to specifically cherish us
as individuals. No pastor can love sheep he doesn't know as friends. Deep within we know that
it is relationship that counts.
